PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO THE WHITE HOUSE, URGENTLY!
Dear President Trump:
Clearly, Mr. President, you have some serious problems. But I know how you can fix them.
As you have always recognized—in your infinite and unmatched wisdom—Republican politicians are pretty much all a bunch of empty-suited spineless creeps.
Only today, we saw, to our horror, how only sixty of them—only sixty–stood up against the execrable Deep State-inspired House Joint Resolution 17, a resolution that condemned you for your courageous and wise actions in Syria, instead of giving you the lavish praise that you so richly deserve.
Mitt Romney is likewise liver lilied sod and, as you put it so well and so succinctly, a pompous ass.
And just today Lindsey Graham looked down to the place where his balls should have been and threatened to become the “worst enemy” of Your Greatness.
ENOUGH, Mr. President, and again I say, ENOUGH!
You should immediately direct the Republican National Committee to change the name of the party to the American Greatness Party.
You should require all current Republican politicians to seek admission into the newly renamed party.
You should deny admission to any who refuse to take an oath of absolute allegiance to the God Emperor, viz. you, pledging unquestioned loyalty to you in all matters, foreign and domestic.
Any who refuse to take the oath should be called by their right name: Enemy of the People.
And as for the 129 Republican cowards who supported the House resolution, they must be made to stand before the White House for three days and three nights, in their underwear, begging permission to lick your boots and seek absolution for their perfidy.
With continuing best wishes for all success from
Your friend and obedient servant,
Arius A. Aardvark
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!