Thanks to Alexandra Petri
Stop The Steal! By Voting?
Be Sure To Vote In The Rigged, Fraudulent Election!
They Rigged The Previous Election But This One We’re Pretty Sure Won’t Be Rigged! Vote In It And Let’s Find Out Together!
Hey, Please Don’t Not Vote In The Election Because You Keep Hearing The President Say The Election Was Rigged! The President Is Not Wrong When He Says There Was A Lot of Fraud, But So Far It All Seems To Have Been Imaginary! But There Sure Was A Lot of Imaginary Fraud And We’re Very Mad About It, Too! The President Is Our Favorite! That Being Said, Please Stop Threatening Local Election Officials! This Is Bad For Our Democracy! Also, Vote! We Do Need You To Vote! We Don’t Think There’s Any Fraud, Actually, But Of Course The President Is A Good, Smart Man! Do Vote!
And, last but not least, a propos the stock trading: