Those Nightmare Scenarios

If you are a progressive bed wetter and garment render, then, right now, you are having the time of your life reading all those dozens and dozens of pieces describing potential nightmare scenarios on election day. You are taking all the clickbait. And the advertisers who put up ads on the websites you visit are delirious with joy.

I, myself, am sick and tired of it.

Here are some of the things that might happen to you on election day. Your favorite child might be arrested for running a drug ring. You might be struck and killed by a deranged MAGA person as you drive home from voting. Your house might burn down. Your doctor might tell you that you have stage 4 cancer and refer you to hospice care.

Stuff like that happens to people.

All the time.

Here at Happy Acres, where we are all of a certain age, the siren is frequently heard. And, as I like to say to my fellow residents,

Ask not for whom the ambulance comes.

It comes for thee.

So, the long and the short of it is that your kid might be arrested, you might die in a fire or an auto accident, or your doctor might have some really bad news. Could happen. But is it likely to happen on election day? No, it is not.

So, what is likely to happen on election day?

As election night progresses, the Democrats are likely to be winning by some seven or eight or nine points nationally.

Biden is likely to be comfortably ahead in states with 290 electoral votes or thereabouts. (270 needed to win.)

Orange Man is likely to claim massive fraud.

Fox News is likely, for once, to tell its viewers the truth.

Mike Pence and Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell, along with most of their empty-suited confreres, are likely to run the other way when asked whether they think Trump “really won” the election. 

Importantly, the U.S. military brass is likely to send up a smoke signal to the effect that there ain’t gonna be no military coup.

And, in the period after the election, Trump—who loves to play the bully, but who is in fact a coward, bigly—will probably back down.

Because, if you have a problem that can be solved with lies and bullshit, then Trump is your guy.

But if you don’t have a problem that can be solved with lies and bullshit, Trump is no good to you, because lies and bullshit are all he has.

And it takes more to stage a coup than lies and bullshit.

So, just take a deep breath. And then rethink your diet to make sure that it doesn’t have too many carcinogens.