Could Have Been Worse

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These data, from Morning Consult earlier today, show, surprisingly, that Bloomberg lost only three points of popularity, is in solid third place, and is still well ahead of Warren, Buttigieg, and Klobuchar.

Someone named Ben Mathis-Lilley writes, waggishly, “The other good news [for Bloombereg] is that, insofar as humans can only perceive time as something that moves in one direction, he’ll never have to experience those two hours onstage ever again!”

Actually, I Have Yet More Good News

Reports from Mount Sinai Hospital, where Bloomberg underwent an emergency personality transplant earlier today, say that he is out of the recovery room, sitting up, and taking nourishment.

Physicians also took the opportunity to restore parts of his body which Elizabeth Warren had removed.

Meanwhile, it is widely reported that, on Thursday evening, Elizabeth Warren served a delcious evening meal of Rocky Mountain oysters.

Rocky Mountain oysters