Greenland

Trump and Greenland

We are indebted this morning to my old friend Vasari and to someone named Lawrence Douglas, writing in the Guardian, for this breaking news:

Donald Trump tweeted today he had purchased Greenland from the Kingdom of Denmark for $15bn plus Kanye West and the state of Massachusetts.

Still, the announcement has been questioned abroad. Prime minister of Greenland Kim Kielsen, reached this morning before the sun set for the winter, commented: “Clearly, the president’s mind is melting faster than our ice sheet.”

Danish prime minister Mette Frederiksen tried to strike a diplomatic note, saying: “May God deliver us from this delusional maniac.”

These comments did not stop the president taking a victory lap before an enthusiastic audience at a campaign-style rally in West Virginia.

A partial transcript of the president’s remarks follows:

People are calling it the greatest deal in American history – maybe all of history. People are saying that only Trump could have made this deal. Maybe so, I don’t know. I guess it’s true, if everyone is saying it, I mean, I suppose it’s true. All I know is the Dutch paid, what, 60 guilders for Manhattan? I could have gotten it for 30 with Staten Island thrown in.”

[Laughter and chants of MAGA! MAGA!]

And the Louisiana purchase? Napoleon fleeced Jefferson! 512 million acres for $15m? It sounds like a great deal, but I could have done better, I could have done better. Could have got Texas, too, for not another penny.

Now there is one deal I feel bad about. Alaska. Folks, I hate to say it, but we kind of stole it from the Russians. They needed our dollars back in 1867 so we got a lot of land for what – two cents on the acre. That’s not a deal my friends, that’s robbery. Now you know I’m a good guy, a great guy – [wild cheers] – and frankly that deal troubles me. It does. So today, I called my friend Vladimir Putin and said, ‘Vlad, you can have it back. You can have Alaska back.’”

[Cheers and chants of “No collusion, no obstruction!”]

Read the whole thing here.