How Our Generic Democratic Nominee Can “Stand Up to Trump on the Stage”


Well, our nominee won’t be me, but I swear to God this is what I would do.

Donald will stand there making shit up and spewing lies left and right. The first time he does it I would pause meaningfully, stare him in the eye, extend my right arm, point with my index finger at his crotch, and say, “Excuse me, Donald, but did you know your fly is unzipped?”

He might take the bait and look in the direction of his fly. Or he might just jump up and down immediately and call me out as a liar.

I would respond, “Yep, I lied, just like the doozie you just told about [insert topic].”

I would go to the debate equipped with about two dozen of that type of comeback.

The second time he does it, I would say, “Well, Donald, there you go again.” (Worked pretty well for Ronny Reagan, if you’re old enough to remember.)

And then I would tell another humorous whopper. Maybe claim he was actually born in Scotland, and is not an American citizen.

If it gets really bad, maybe talk about how he was filmed having sex parties with Jeffrey Epstien and a bunch of ninth grade sex workers.