Aardvark Issues Groveling Apology to the Heteronormative

Mika Brzezinski called Mike Pompeo Trump’s butt-boy. This was a vulgar term, which might have been OK at a private cocktail party but was not OK for live television.

But as I understand it—sometimes we septuagenarians have a hard time understanding the contemporary world—the gravamen of the butt-hurt apoplexy that ensued was not over the vulgarity but instead over the perceived slur against people who enjoy gay sex. The thought, apparently, was that in trying to shame Pompeo, she was implying that any and all gay sex is shameful.

I don’t think so. Suppose, for example, Mika had, speaking metaphorically, observed the Kristjen Nielsen or Kellyanne Conway or, God forbid, Sara Sanders, was “sucking up” to Trump. Hhe would have been claiming that Kristjen or Kellyanne or Sara was behaving shamefully. But she would not have been understood to imply that all heterosexual behavior, or all heterosexual oral intercourse, is shameful.

All that said, I wish, right here and right now, to issue a groveling apology to any who were offended by the vulgar pun in my headline, “Trump’s Pecker Turns State’s Evidence.”

I merely wished to observe, in the most neutral way possible, that Trump has a proclivity for hopping in bed with well-endowed women, well past the first bloom of youth, whose enthusiasm for his attentions is lubricated by their desire for financial gain.

I intended no implication that heterosexual intercourse is shameful, as a general matter. Nor even that financially-motivated heterosexual intercourse is inherently shameful.

But to the heteronormative among you who may have discerned a different implication, I deeply apologize, and pledge to make better word choices in the future

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I see that today’s readership includes some folks in American Samoa. Thanks for stopping by. If you have some trouble grasping what’s going on, over on the mainland, then I fell your pain.