Our Glorious Confederate Heritage


Today we learn that “Mississippi Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith pushed resolution praising Confederate soldier’s effort to ‘defend his homeland.’”

Seven of my direct male ancestors (six great-great-grandfathers and one great-grandfather) served in the Confederate Army. Two of the seven men deserted—both in 1865. I’d like to believe they repented of their service to the Confederacy, but it’s much more likely that they saw the South was losing and didn’t want to be the last man to die for a lost cause.

Thus, they exhibited the keen awareness of their environment and the insight into the steps needed to protect themselves that led our distant ancestors to survive the African savanna—a situational awareness that their descendants, marinating their brains in Faux News, have largely lost.

I am proud of the two Confederate deserters.

An Instant Apology for My Rash Statement

I would now like to offer my deep and sincere regret if any among you is so small-minded as to be offended by my paean to Confederate desertion. It grieves me beyond measure to realize I might have said something that would bring out the idiot in you.

Let me suggest this way of resolving the matter.

First of all, would you please sit down and write a short essay on your Confederate heritage.

Second, once you have completed your short essay, grasp it with both hands and fold it five ways.

Third, we can have a heart-to-heart discussion about the best place to insert the folded paper.