God’s Plan for Roy Moore

or, Lire Playboy avec la Main Gauche

Let’s say you are a mid-thirties creep living in Gadsden, Alabama. You don’t have a wife. You don’t have a fiancé. You don’t have a girlfriend. You don’t date women your age. You don’t have a wife, a fiancé, or a girlfriend, and you can’t get dates from women your age because you are a creep.

But you are very horny.

So, what do you do?

Well, you have two choices.

Choice One

You can hang out at the Gadsden Mall on Friday and Saturday nights, pester the teenage girls, badger some of them into going out with you, get them in your car, grab them, and stick your tongue down their throats until they fight their way out of the car.

Or you can pick choice two.

Choice Two

Stay home, stick a tape in your VHS player, and just have at it.


Which is the choice that a moral creep would make?

Which would be God’s plan for resolution of Roy Moore’s dilemma?