Covfefe

My Baby Just Wrote Me a Twitter

By the Capitol Steps, to be sung to the tune of My Baby Just Wrote Me a Letter:

Gimme me a ticket for an aeroplane
My girlfriend is gettin’ so inane
Forty times today
On my PDA
My baby, she wrote me a twitter

Every two minutes somethin’ else to tell
What the hell’s the meaning of ‘LOL’?
But she loves her shampoo
Well woop-de-freakin’-do
And lately, it’s makin’ me bitter

So I wrote her a letter
Said that it would be better
To talk like we ought
But she can only twitter
‘Cause 140 letters
Is her limit on thoughts
She’s twidiotic

I’m leaving home, all my bags are packed
But my tweet hawk deserves all the facts
Since I can’t commit her
I’ll just send a twitter

(spoken) Let me see… ‘I-L-Y-F-O-B-S’
(spoken) ‘I-L-Y-F-O-B-S’? Does that mean ‘I love you forever, oh beautiful sweetheart’?
(spoken) No, it’s…

‘I’m leaving you for our babysitter’

The New Beatitudes: Blessed Are the Winners

From Andrew Sullivan, The Pope and the Pagan. Thanks once again to Hans.

Blessed are the winners: for theirs is the kingdom of Earth.

Blessed are the healthy: for they will pay lower premiums.

Blessed are the rich: for they will inherit what’s left of the earth, tax-free.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for oil and coal: for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciless: for they are so, so strong.

Blessed are the liars: for they will get away with it.

Blessed are the war-makers: for they will be called very, very smart.

Blessed are those who support you regardless: for theirs is the Electoral College.

Blessed are you when others revile you and investigate you and utter all kinds of fake news about you. Rejoice and be glad, for the failing press is dying.

Give Him the Wild Wind for a Brother and the Wild Montana Skies

The Montana special election is tomorrow. The Republican candidate has just assaulted a reporter and broken his glasses. Apparently because the candidate did not like the reporter’s questions.

Aardvark does not know whether this development will redound to the benefit of the Democrat or the Republican.