What Do We Tell the Children?

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After the election my old friend Lobo Loup sent an email blast containing A Special Message for the Children of America, giving a sarcastic earful of advice from Trump on how to become president. I reproduce it below.

Thinking along the same lines, my friend Vasari shared this Post-Election College Paper Grading Rubric by Daveena Tauber. It’s a hoot, and a must read.

With no children of their own, Aardvark and Dr. Aardvark are, naturally, great experts on child rearing. So here is my opinion. When all else fails, tell the truth, even to children.

And here is the truth, or at least I think it is the truth. Lying, bullying, and other despicable behavior can sometimes lead to great success, at least for a time. But people like that will inevitably wear out their welcome. And the problem with habitual lying is that in time no one will believe you, even when you are telling the truth.

Not only is truth telling the right thing to do, but it is also, as Lincoln liked to say, the best policy.

* * *

Dear Children of America,

Gather round and heed my words, for now we have seen they are true. 

As you go through life:

DO:

  • lie
  • cheat
  • exploit your fellow man, including people you might hire
  • spew racist venom and carry out/promote/enforce racist policies, as an employee or employer
  • engage in illegal sexual predatory behavior
  • consort with and welcome the support of anti-Semites, anti-Muslims, anti-ANYBODY ‘OTHER’
  • encourage your supporters, if you ever run for an election — even in school! — when they cry out, “kill [the opponent], string [him/her] up” because that will whip them up into a fury and drive up your vote
  • declaim your views in sound bites with absolutely no substance, verification or regard for the truth, because winning at all costs is ‘all’
  • hold yourself above the law in all other respects, and aspire to one day loudly declaim that you ‘could stand on Fifth Avenue and kill somebody and get away with it’, because people will admire that as a sign of strength
  • blithely ignore the disastrous warming of the planet and promote policies to make it worse
  • surround yourself with ‘yes-men’ (and maybe a few women)
  • con, con, con everyone around you, because it’s all about you
  • suck up to the rich while paying lip-service to the needs and cares of the rest of society

DO NOT

  • study hard and learn your subjects
  • read deeply and grapple with complexity 
  • pay taxes or
  • really give a damn about anything or anybody except yourself, as long as you can FAKE IT and pretend that you do 

AND YOU, TOO, CAN BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

And if all this advice seems to contradict everything your parents ever taught you, just tell them — “Hey!  I’m just following the example of Donald Trump, President of the United States!”

– Donald Trump, Making America Great Again.